Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
