rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
