If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
