Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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