I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
