Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
