it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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