honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
