so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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