i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
