Umm I'm too high to move.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
did i just pee glitter
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
