I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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