I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
