He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
