Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
