I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
