Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
