69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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