How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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