Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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