So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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