I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
