Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
