My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
