I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
