Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
