I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
