If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
