I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
