North Korea, Best Korea!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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