i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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