Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
