It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
