ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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