Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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