anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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