Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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