We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
