Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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