He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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