if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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