What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
