i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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