dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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