I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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