Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
