you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Randomize
