youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
