i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
