How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
either way he was missing a nipple.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
