That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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