Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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