like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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