You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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