I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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