I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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