Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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