her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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